my brother just walked in here with a bunch of pancakes and was like ‘wow this is a whole lot of pancakes’ and then he closed his eyes and whispered to himself ‘but i am a whole lot of man’
(via madturbating)
i was supposed to go to bed an hour ago dont tell my mom
my mom says i have to go to bed now which one of u meaners told
who the fuck changed ‘fuckers’ to ‘meaners’
(Source: buttermilkqueen, via messing-with-sass-quatch)
when i see really attractive people i just laugh because i know if we lived in the aztec culture they’d be sacrificed to the gods for their beauty
(via madturbating)
if you think your family is dysfunctional remember that zeus got a woman pregnant but she burned to death so he rescued the fetus from her ashes and sewed it into his thigh and gave birth to it himself and that fetus is now the god of wine and sexual deviancy god bless
My great aunt stabbed her husband in the stomach on their anniversary and he decided not to divorce her because he didn’t want a custody battle over the goats.
(Source: p1ants, via memetasticblogger)
